Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize