i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
