I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
