guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
