Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
