All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
