i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
