You're completely useless in the revolution.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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