watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
