glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
