all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
