So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
