I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
