i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
