Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
