My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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