checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
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I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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