new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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