Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
