My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
