I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
