If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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