He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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