What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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