It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I checked into jail on foursquare
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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