Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
