Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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