you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I believe in your delicious
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
