when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
