Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
