Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
