ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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