thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
