I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
