what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have feelings that need drinking.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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