Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
