ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
