McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
