he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
either way he was missing a nipple.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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