it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
