Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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