first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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