You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's blow job season.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
