Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
