Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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