too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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