i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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