i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
whose parrot is this?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
