How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
