At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
