he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
