I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
