'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
