the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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