Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
