people are starting to question the shark bite story
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
