i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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