Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The air taste purple.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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