i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
