she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
