No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize