I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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