grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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