when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
