The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
