Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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