Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
