so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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