It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
