Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
