Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
