I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
