Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
