she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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