So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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