I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I feel like a drive thru vagina
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
