so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
