it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
