Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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