I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize